Fucking Sexy Ass Consent!

 TW:  Sexual assault, harassment among other topics within that realm.  If you feel that tehre is a chance that you may be triggered or re-traumatized from the things that was just mentioned, just know you are under no obligations to read this post.  If you do choose to read, I will notify you with (TW ALERT) to let you know if a section is going to be talking more about it.  But like I said, no shame if this is too much for you!  You are OK!  Promise!

    You know, I have a love/hate relationship with the anime Bleach.  I mean when I first watched it, I felt this was one of the best anime I have ever watched!  The lore, the Japanese culture, ALL of it was just sooooooooo GOOD!  However, the more I watched I gradually got annoyed.....and pissed because the focus was on the main character above the other characters.  I mean EVERYTHING kept coming back to the main character......even characters in which they were the focus, it was always back to Ichigo!!!!  ...look I can spend a LONG time talking about this series, and why it annoys the living daylights out of me, but there is one part I want to mention from there.  When shinigami( Japanese grim reapers)ranked Lieutenant(vice captain) or above are fighting in the human world, they have to seal their power and keep it in check, otherwise they could do some serious damage to the world around them.  Despite this, sometimes they fight an enemy who is just too strong, one where their limited power is not enough; to fix this, they make a call to The Soul Society (The afterlife) and get authorization for Gentei Kaijo!  Permission to remove their limiters so they can go all out on their opponent!  When they get the go ahead they are able to do their job efficiently with out worry that they broke any rule because, they received permission, and mind you it is not an instantaneous process.  The people in the soul society have to asses the situation and determine if this is the right moment to use it.  But, it is important for the shinigami to get the authorization because their job is to protect all living human life!

    Now let's apply this to life in general specifically with in the realm of sex, consent is sooooo fucking important that it is VITAL in EVERY situation!  When we have sex, we should always have this discussion about consent, because you may have idea's of what you want to do with your partner, but ask yourself the following:  "Is this what they want?".  Now, some might respond with "Yes it is", but then I want to know, HOW do you know?  Did they tell this was what they wanted?  Did you communicate this clearly along with your intentions in general?  These are IMPORTANT FUCKING QUESTIONS you NEED to ask!

    There are some people who feel that asking for consent is stupid.  I'm pretty sure we all know someone like that; you know someone who acts cocky and brags that "Oh I can tell if a person wants it or not!  If you can't then you just gotta learn the game better!".  That's not how humans work.  We are very complex creatures who all do not think nor feel the same!  Because of this, it is important for you to ask upfront if doing a certain action is OK, and if there is no enthusiasm behind that yes, then don't!  We have no clue what everyone has experienced or went through, we have to have a fun time with people, not reopening old wounds or traumatic histories.

(TW ALERT:  Beginning)

 

    When a person's consent is violated, it can be painful because this is something they didn't want to do but now it is forced upon them, and they now have to deal with it.  It takes away their freedom of choice and makes the experience painful for them as they are not being valued as a human with rights and choices.  There was a time when people would say things like "No mean's yes" which would encourage behaviors like sexual assault, rape, etc.  But the sad part is, during this age where the manoshphere/red pill mindset is a thing, some feel we should go back to those times as they claim things were a lot "better" (Spoiler alert, it was not).  It shocks me when people say things such as "Back in our grand parents time people stayed married longer thus relationships were better".  Yet, they don't want to talk about how divorce was frowned upon and people had to deal with abusive spouses or the idea of just saying no was not something that was promoted.  People were told to grin and bare it, and eventually they would get use to it.  I don't want to imagine that, and as I write this, I feel nothing but sickness at the thought of people in a relationship like this.

 

    Media for years promoted this whole masculine kind of perception that you do what the man tells you to do, and learn to like it.  We all know of Sean Connery's James Bond, back then people promoted him like he was the "Ideal man".  Someone who takes action to handle a situation and slaps a woman's ass whenever he feels like it....as well as forces himself on a woman when they tell him no.  Some try to make the argument that this is just a character, it means nothing.  Just know that Sean Connery, felt slapping women is OK if they deserved it...like in a verbal argument, if she has the last word.  But you see what I mean, this whole mindset of just doing without asking is just wrong on so many levels.  What happens when you go too far, and you do something that absolutely breaks a person and said person engages in self destructive behavior because they felt they have no choice or say in what they wanted.  And mind you I know I have been using men and women as examples but this is something that applies to ALL people regardless of their gender identity.  EVERYONE has the right to consent.

(TW ALERT:  End)

   

    Now, where do we go from here?  What do we need to do to be better?  Well for starters ASK!  Seriously it is OK to ask if something is or is not OK!  Especially if you are coming into someone's personal bubble that is new to you and vice versa.  We are human, and no one (As far as I know) is a mind reader so ask questions and have conversations to discuss what is and is not OK.  However, there is one more important thing that everyone can do too!

    You can say No.  Plain and simple, and guess what, it is OK!  Having and setting healthy boundaries is important!  I can assure you, SEX is sooooo much fun when everyone involved has verbally and enthusiastically confirmed that they are absolutely OK and onboard with what(or in some cases who) is going to go down.  And check this out, this doesn't have to apply strictly for sex!  You have a right to say no and voice your concerns in ANY situation or instance!  In fact this is something that needs to be taught in schools!  Saying no and boundaries!  Like seriously it makes your life significantly better if you can exercise your voice with consent and being able to set healthy boundaries that feels right for YOU!  If people push back then get away, if they are not willing to respect your choice or boundaries then; they don't have a right to be around you!  Stand take and use your voice, because you 1000% matters!  Also, just a reminder NO MEANS NO!