Cosplay as a form of exploration and expression!

 

 

 

    Yep, that's me from circa 2011 at Anime St. Louis!  This was the first time I wanted to cosplay, and let me say......I had no idea of what I was doing!  I mean seriously I don't even know what I was suppose to be!?  Like I had a wig, that red coat, and yeah....that's about it!  I seriously have no idea of what I was trying to go with......but the fact of the matter is little did I know, this was going to be the start of something very unique and euphoric for me gender wise.  I want to share with you my journey of my favorite cosplays, and let you in on my thoughts and feeling going into each one of these characters I dressed as.....except for that first picture here.....cause I literally had NO IDEA what I was thinking lol!  But, this is something I really do want to talk about.....no not whatever this cosplay was; I am talking about how cosplay is a form of exploration and expression.

    Like I said, I had NO IDEA what or who was it I was trying to cosplay!  I mean that red coat was a gift from my host family when I lived in Japan, while the wig was from a Spike Spiegel cosplay I never committed too.  Yet, if anything, that wig was the catalyst to my exploration and entry into the world of cosplay!  I got that wig back 2011 and the moment I had it, I wore it everywhere!  Seriously, I was still in college and I was wearing it like it was my own hair!  I remember people would look at me and ask questions if it was my real hair and I think I said yes on a few occasions.  It made me feel special as well as unique; like I was the main character from an anime!  OK this is starting to feel a bit cringe...but yeah, this was my first cosplay.  I did not know it, but this would be the start to something very unique.

 

 

    My Static cosplay, this one I have a unique love/hate relationship with it!  I love it, because, well I love Static, I mean please tell me you grew up with the TV show Static Shock?!  This character, really spoke to me!  He was a nerdy black kid who came from a rough neighborhood but became a super hero, a symbol of justice!  I mean I literally saw myself in him, after all he was the reason I grew my hair out!  This was my go to cosplay, and let me say it got me a LOT of attention!  As I went to conventions, people always wanted to get a photo with me, people hung out with me, and honestly it was great.  I mean when your cosplay lands you a full page spread in a cosplay magazine, you know you did great!  However, this is where the hate comes in unfortunately.

    Dreadlocks look cool, but they are very limiting.  The different characters I could cosplay were heavily limited at the time.  I couldn't wear wigs, and when I asked people for cosplay suggestions, I usually got "token black masculine character with dreadlocks" as a suggestion....yeah this was not fun anymore.  I mean I did try to cosplay other characters with the dreadlocks....but it didn't feel as good as when I was Static.  But, here is where things get a little....well...unique.  I was drawn to masculine characters who were well.....beautiful, like the pretty boys in anime!  I mean, back when I was in Japan, they called me pretty boy because of my eye lashes ahahaha!  So, I made the decision to chop off my dreads and when I did, new opportunities for cosplay appeared!

 

 

     Boom, I get to live out my anime pretty boy fantasy!  With my dreadlocks gone I was able to cut loose and embrace my more feminine side gradually.  So I did a whole anime butler thing that gradually evolved!  I started off with a long black haired wig and OMG did I look hot!  I felt like a legit pretty boy from Ouran High School Host Club, or Kurama from Yu Yu Hakusho!  Words cannot explain it but the best way I can put this is well I felt pretty, I was fucking beautiful and I loved it!  Honestly ditching the dreadlocks was a great idea that I do not regret!  I mean yeah It was cool having natural long hair but damn having cut my dreads was one of the best things I ever could have done for myself!  It made me realize that I can be whomever I want, there was no limit to how I can present.  I did not hate them as I looked epic with them.  Despite the flack I gave them, they helped me express myself in one particular manner, that being more masculine!  However, now with them gone, I had the opportunity to cosplay bolder characters, and I am talking about characters that I never would have expected to cosplay!

    Cosplaying Tifa Lockhart from Final Fantasy VII:  Remake;  was the the first time I did a cosplay that made me feel invincible!  I won't lie, I struggle with body dysmorphia at times, it ain't fun...but the first time I put on the Tifa cosplay, and looked at myself in the mirror (while also playing her jukebox music in the background) I felt absolutely powerful, hell I almost was brought to tears at one point cause well I looked amazing!  Look at the pictures!!!!!!!!  And while we are at it, look at these other ones!

    This cosplay right here was the one that showed me I had ZERO limits to whom I could cosplay!  To hell with gender, I am a walking abnormally whose gender fluctuates like a cup of water!  I felt strong and beautiful, like Tifa herself; on one end I could be serving you drinks, while the other I can kick your ass anytime and anywhere!  There's just something about doing a cosplay of a character that makes you feel so confident and comfortable with who you are as a person; and Tifa was that cosplay for me.

    Jojo's Bizarre Adventure features A LOT of men who look EXTREMELY feminine to the point where they destroy the concept of gender!  I love this anime with a BURNING passion!!!!!  So I decided to cosplay one very unique character, Narciso Anasui!  I picked him to cosplay because he has a unique creation history and also that influences his design; which Van Halen had a part in this too, but trust me, that is an entirely different post to make.  Anyway, Anasui was the first time I used makeup for cosplay.  Nothing too crazy just pink lipstick; which I will say, really made my lips pop and well I just looked like him!  The pink hair, the tight pants and me showing what I feel was more skin that I did as Tifa!  At this point I felt like I was in the middle in terms of gender.  Like neither man nor woman, I just felt like I existed, like this all feels right!  Pretty, strong, and well....myself, I felt like I really achieved true balance with this cosplay.

    If you were to tell me 10 year's ago that I would be cosplaying Street Fighter 2 Chun-Li, I would have thought you were out of your damn mind!  Then again I thought I was a cisgender man AHAHAHA!  But yeah, Chun-Li started as a joke that gradually became a dream cosplay of mine because of well the legs lol, I mean I got some nice legs not gonna lie!  But, this was one cosplay where I use more than just lipstick!  I wanted to look more feminine so I started with some concealer to hide my facial hair, and honestly I think it did a great job hiding it!  This one was so much fun because I felt energetic like her when she wins a fight, while also accomplished, because at that point I just took my cosplay game to a whole new level with using makeup up.  This cosplay was a learning experience as it taught me new ways to express myself!

    

    Chun-Li was the cosplay that really made me step up my game, but taught me things that I would have never known.  Because of that cosplay I have learned how to express myself more as a non binary individual, and incorporate make-up into some of my routines!  I mean I can honestly say my eye liner game has even improved too!  At the end of the day, cosplay is something that can really help you explore and understand who you really are!  The characters you gravitate towards as well as the work and effort you put into said characters can lead you on a journey that never ends; and you know what, that's ok!  Life is all about learning and keeping an open mind to new idea's and possibilities!  I don't who my next cosplay will be (Possibly Makima, Ermes Costello, or Avatar Korra), but what I can say is that it will be a magnificent experience.  If you are reading this and are curious if cosplay will help you express yourself or understand your gender identity better; do it!  After all, it's like they say in the opening to Kamen Rider Kiva "Don't be afraid, the world is your stage"!